I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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