if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
