I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
