you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
