I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
