you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
