Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize