thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
