2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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