i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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