you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
