Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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