im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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