Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
