mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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