the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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