after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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