im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
