I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
