Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize