im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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