You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
