Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
