If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
