I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
