Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
