apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
