So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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