I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize