I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
