Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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