drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
