i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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