What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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