i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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