Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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