I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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