i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
