Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
