Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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