No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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