So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
