if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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