Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
