just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
