i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
