in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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