Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
