Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
