bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
