There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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