Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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