The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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