I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
