If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
