He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
