How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
