im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
