I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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