i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
