Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
