He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
