I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
