Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
