If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
