I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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