It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
