please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
