Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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