There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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