In America we eat man semen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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