I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
