Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
