He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Alive.
So much puke
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
